Mr. “Personal Responsibility” Bill O’Reilly Plays the Blame Game

$32 million? Do you know how much money that is? O’Reilly could have made his own Madea movie for that money. Although, if he puts on a dress, he might end up sexually harass himself, so that’s a bad idea. Don’t do it. I’m sorry that I’m stuck on this, but it’s an amazing amount of money to pay out, especially if you’re not guilty. And in a recorded interview with The New York Times, O’Reilly gave a somewhat odd explanation.

So, so let me get this straight. You have evidence, shocking evidence, that would totally exonerate you, but you’re not gonna go to court because it’ll hurt your kids? As opposed to what’s happening now? You know how phony that sounds, right? “I would take this to trial, “but the idea of my kids hearing a judge declare me not guilty would be too much for them!” Look, I don’t know about O’Reilly’s kids, but if O’Reilly were my dad, I would rather he just gave me the $32 million.

I can handle some bad news for $32 million. People would be like, “Danny, doesn’t it hurt to see your dad get beaten up by the media?” I’ll be like, “Yeah, yeah. “I watched the news in my private jet. “It really hurt, man, but I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.” And, now, O’Reilly hasn’t released any shocking evidence. What he did try and do was make it seem like all his former colleagues were completely cool with him.

There’s just one small problem: they have Twitter. REPORTER: Yesterday, O’Reilly posted thank you notes on his Web site from Megyn Kelly and former Fox host Gretchen Carlson from the time when they worked together. In Kelly’s note, she called O’Reilly a true friend and mentor, and Carlson writes: Well, Carlson responded on Twitter to all this, saying, “So what. Still paid $32 million.”.

Bill O’Reilly is over, man, ’cause now anyone can win an argument against him by just saying “$32 million.” He’ll be screaming at a waiter, like, “I didn’t order the calamari, you idiot! I ordered the shrimp scampi!” They’ll be like, “All right. Sorry, sorry. $32 million. Whatever, man.” So, Bill O’Reilly has blamed his enemies, the liberal media, and his former colleagues for the situation that he’s in.

There’s basically no one left on Earth for him to blame, which is why I guess he went up. You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I’m mad at him. I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff didn’t happen. I can’t explain it to you. Yeah, I’m mad at him. Wow. Is he mad at God? Is he mad at God for not protecting him? This is one of those times that I wish we could hear what God has to say.

It’s God, everybody! Ladies and gentlemen. I can’t believe this! Hello! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for God! What up, heathens? God, thank you so much for gracing us with your presence. I have so many questions for you. The hurricanes, why did the hurricanes. Don’t blame that on me. That is man-made climate change. I made hurricanes Y’all supersized ’em.

I came to talk about why Bill O’Reilly and why he dragged my ass into his drama. What do you mean, why he dragged your ass? You-You’re saying you had nothing to do with what happened to Bill O’Reilly? In fact, I’ve had nothing to do with humans, any of y’all, basically, since, uh, the Titanic. The Titanic? They were bragging about it, like, “God himself could not sink this ship.” And I was like, What about these icebergs?  Do you want water?

How ’bout some frozen water, bitch? Let’s go! So I decided to step away from the game for a while. I-I get it. You felt bad. But if you stepped away, then what brings you back? I came down to tell Bill O’Reilly to keep my name out of his mouth! Do it! Bill O’Reilly did this to himself. And now he’s mad at me? Hasn’t this cooch monster ever heard of personal responsibility?

If you want to know more information about Bill O’Reilly, you can watch the video below:

Creepy old man. Actually, I know he has. I got the tapes. Personal responsibility. -That’s what it’s all about. Cause I’m a big personal responsibility guy, you know? The greater good is served by more personal responsibility. I think personal responsibility, you know? Personal responsibility is not wiped away because your circumstance is From your mouth to your ears.

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